Unshackle your authentic Self

Do you find yourself having the need to please, to rescue, to the extent of constantly seeking approval, at times going to great lengths to meet others’ expectations or needs, undermining your own heart desires as it just doesn’t feel nice to say no, so much so that at times you feel drained, angry or resentful by the relentless pursuit of being the goody good person. 

Know for sure.  You are not alone! 

Many of us have been conditioned to prioritize the comfort or needs /happiness of others above our own.   

WHY? 

Have you ever asked yourself? 

One answered I know: 

I want them to like ME when I explored further with him. 

Many of us, including high performing executives have spent decades perfecting the art of pleasing others.   

Is it time to pause and ask ourselves: in this lifetime of accommodating everyone else, where did we place our own desires and dreams? 

The Roots of People-Pleasing 

Think back to your childhood. Remember the praise you received for being "such a good child".   The warm glow of approval when you put others' needs before your own? These early experiences lay the foundation for a lifetime of people-pleasing behaviors. 

As we grow, society reinforces these patterns. We're taught that being liked is paramount, that rocking the boat is dangerous, and that our worth is tied to how well we meet others' expectations. For many women, this translates into a relentless pursuit of perfection in every role – the flawless executive, the ever-patient mother, the supportive partner, the dependable friend. 

The High Cost of Always Saying "Yes" 

At first glance, being a people-pleaser might seem like a virtue. After all, isn't it admirable to be selfless and accommodating? But let's pull back the curtain on this seemingly positive trait: 

1. Loss of Identity: When we constantly mold ourselves to fit others' expectations, we lose touch with our authentic selves. Who are you when you're not being who everyone else needs you to be? 
2. Chronic Stress and Burnout: The pressure to be everything to everyone is exhausting. It's a recipe for physical and emotional burnout. 
3. Resentment and Anger: Suppressing your own needs and desires doesn't make them disappear. Instead, they often transform into resentment and unexpressed anger. 
4. Unfulfilling Relationships: Paradoxically, always saying "yes" can lead to shallow connections. True intimacy requires authenticity and the ability to set boundaries. 
5. Stifled Potential: When we're busy meeting others' expectations, we often neglect our own aspirations and potential for growth. 

The Wake-Up Call 

For many, the realization that they've been living to please others comes as a sudden, jarring awakening. It might be triggered by a milestone birthday, a career setback, or a personal loss. For me, it was the heart-wrenching loss of my son that shattered the carefully constructed facade of my life. 

In that moment of profound grief, I was forced to confront a hard truth: I had spent years climbing the corporate ladder, achieving external markers of success, all while neglecting my own deepest desires and authentic self. The roles I had so carefully crafted – the high-powered executive, the perfect mother, the supportive wife – suddenly felt hollow. 

This wake-up call, painful as it was, became the catalyst for profound change. It forced me to ask: Who am I when I'm not trying to meet everyone else's expectations? What do I truly want from this one precious life? 

The Journey to Authenticity 

Breaking free from a lifetime of people-pleasing isn't easy. It's a journey that requires courage, self-reflection, and often, support. Here are some steps to start your own journey: 

1. Self-Awareness: Begin by observing your behaviors and motivations. When do you say "yes" when you really want to say "no"? What fears drive your people-pleasing tendencies? 
2. Redefine Your Worth: Recognize that your value isn't determined by how much you do for others or how well you meet their expectations. You are inherently worthy, just as you are. 
3. Set Boundaries: Start small. Practice saying "no" to minor requests that don't align with your priorities. Remember, every "no" to someone else is a "yes" to yourself. 
4. Embrace Discomfort: Changing long-standing patterns will feel uncomfortable at first. That's okay. Discomfort is a sign of growth. 
5. Reconnect with Your Desires: After years of focusing on others, you might struggle to identify what you truly want. Give yourself permission to explore, experiment, and rediscover your passions. 
6. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who encourage your growth and respect your boundaries. Consider working with a coach or therapist who can guide you through this transformation. 

The Power of Authenticity 

As you begin to shed the weight of others' expectations and step into your authentic self, you'll likely experience a sense of liberation. You'll find that when you honor your true self: 

• Your relationships become more genuine and fulfilling 
• You have more energy to pursue what truly matters to you 
• Your creativity and productivity often increase 
• You become a role model for others, especially younger women, showing them the power of living authentically 

Remember, the goal isn't to stop caring about others or to become selfish. Instead, it's about finding a balance where you can be there for others without losing yourself in the process. 

A Call to Awakening 

If you've recognized yourself in this journey of people-pleasing, consider this your call to awakening. Your "second act" – a life lived with authenticity and purpose – is waiting for you. 

Imagine the impact you could have, both personally and professionally, when you bring your full, authentic self to the table. Picture the doors that might open when you start prioritizing your own growth and fulfillment. 

The world doesn't need more women contorting themselves to fit into prescribed roles. It needs women who are brave enough to be themselves, to lead with authenticity, and to show others the way. 

Are you ready to break free from the chains of people-pleasing? To rediscover your authentic self and ignite a purpose-driven 'second act' that blends success with deep personal fulfillment? 

The journey starts with a single step – the decision to prioritize your own truth. It won't always be easy, but I promise you, it will be worth it. Because at the end of the day, the most important person you need to please is yourself. 

Your authentic self is waiting. Are you ready to meet her? 

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